Tag Archives: personal

What It’s Like To Be An Adult with ADHD

It’s a lot of hiding. Dodging questions until you can’t dodge them anymore. “Why do you write everything down?” “Why do you drink decaf coffee?” “What’s with all the doctors appointments?” Eventually your tendency towards brutal honesty gets the best of you and the truth comes out. You pray that your latest confidant will understand. They do, more often than not.

A part of you wants the whole world to know, so that you don’t have to explain yourself over and over again. You want them to recognize when you’re having a Bad Brain Day, to know that you can’t always give 100%. It’s not an excuse. The volume in your head is just a little too high. You need a moment to breathe. To reorganize.

Work isn’t like school. There’s no letter from the disabilities office for you to hand to your professor at the beginning of the semester, explaining everything. There’s no parent-teacher conferences, no IEP meetings. Your mom can’t call your boss to tell him how your brain works. You have to advocate for yourself. But what if they don’t understand? What kind of accommodations can you even ask for? Will they see you differently? You replay nightmare scenarios over and over in your head and decide to just keep your mouth shut.

Some days you struggle, but you persist. You’ve accomplished so much and exceeded everyone’s expectations. You learned a language! You’ve starred in musicals! You earned a bachelor’s degree! You have a full-time job! And yet, you still feel like you’re fooling everyone. When you trip over a word. When something falls through the cracks. You have days where you allow the words from those first evaluations, from your third grade teacher, from the middle school Cool Girls, to make you feel small. Words from over a decade ago, when you were a totally different person.

Relationships are difficult. On the train to a party you fret over making the right impression, saying the right thing, not interrupting people when there’s something you just HAVE to say, not talking about yourself too much. Small talk is a drag. You’d rather discuss film theory or religion or how we’re all going to die some day but aren’t we so lucky to be alive at the same time as Patti LuPone? Or just look at your phone.

Some friendships move fast and furious while others get neglected. Old familiar faces of one-time best friends show up on your Facebook feed and you wonder what happened. Scheduling conflicts. You got busy. You forgot to text back. Things got too loud. You got distracted. Out of sight, out of mind.

It’s finding a community of wonderful, brilliant neurodiverse people in your travels and online. It’s those beautiful “No way, me too!” moments with coworkers and strangers at parties who know how to unlock your secrets. You compare diagnoses and medications and the alternative therapies your parents subjected you to before you turned 18. You start to get out of your head a little bit. You start to feel less alone.

Your Brain Brothers and Sisters show you that your diagnosis comes with superpowers and teach you how to unlock them. You teach yourself how to harness your hyperfocus and turn down the noise when you need it gets too loud. You learn how to multitask the right way, writing things down so you don’t drop any balls. You start a bullet journal. You buy a fidget cube. You lose it almost immediately.

You grow up. You gain perspective. It never goes away. But eventually, you learn how to be kind to yourself.


This is something I’ve wanted to talk/write about for a while, so it feels both great and scary to hit post. ADHD has been a part of my life since I was 9, so I have a lot to say on the matter. If you have questions/topic suggestions you’d like me to address in future posts, let me know in the comments or on Twitter.

I also recently got to talk ADHD with Zach Valenti on his podcast, focused.af. It was a really fun conversation and Zach is the bomb. Go check it out!

6 Things I Did This Weekend Instead of Interacting With Humans | BEDA Day 4

I really haven’t had a weekend at home, without any plans, in a while. The prospect of an open weekend is always both exciting and a bit scary for me as someone smack-dab in the middle of the introvert/extrovert spectrum. I finally have time to check off all the items on my (very extensive) to-do list, yet I feel a twinge of FOMO and the pressure to see people. This weekend I spent 48 hours taking care of my home and myself, with like two social interactions in between. Here’s how I spent my hermit weekend.

  1. Deep cleaned my apartment. After weeks of traveling back and forth to Philly, a little spring cleaning was absolutely necessary. I’m a generally disorganized person, but clearing out the crap makes it so much easier to think and create and just live. Also, I cleaned my sheets which made it much more difficult to get out of bed this morning.
  2. Got a facial. I haven’t gotten a facial in…a while, which was pretty apparent when I met with my skin therapist at HeyDay. Needless to say, I needed some work. My clogged pores aside, they did a great job and I would totally go back. Everyone needs a little pampering once in a while.
  3. Bought an overall dress. Sometimes you see an overall dress on Topshop’s website in a petite size and you just have to go for it. I’m 75% sure this is getting returned, but for now I’m looking forward to cosplaying an extra on Clarissa Explains It All.
  4. Tried and failed to resell old clothes. You know that episode of Broad City where Abby attempts to sell a bunch of clothes at Beacon’s Closet and the pretentious sales lady only takes one bag? That happened to me this weekend (albeit not at Beacon’s Closet). It’s not like my clothes were in bad shape, they just didn’t quite meet the style requirements of that particular shop. My 11:30am walk of shame out of there was pretty embarrassing.
  5. Made coq au vin. Not trying to brag, but I’m turning into a pretty amazing cook. With the ample time available to me on this free weekend, I decided to attempt The Financial Diet’s crock-pot coq au vin recipe and it was delicious. I’m not sure if I got the whole wine reduction thing right, but the whole thing still tasted pretty great. 10/10, would recommend.
  6. Saw Zootopia. Holy crap, you guys. Have you seen this movie?! Come for the adorable animals, stay for the commentary on institutionalized racism. And Shakira as a gazelle. I may have cried a little.

Overall, it was a pretty solid weekend, but I think I’m ready to return to the land of the living again. How were your weekends, friends?